It’s been years since I’ve last seen S – my first major crush and by far the longest.
If you had asked me then why I was so attracted to him, I couldn’t tell you. It was the way he looked with his thin-framed glasses and messily arranged hair or the way he looked in certain outfits (he looked really good in a set of formals or a long-sleeved T-shirt). It was everything about him and at the same time nothing in particular. I think somewhere even back then, a small part of me understood that more than him, I liked the idea of him.
We went to the same school together and attended the same Sunday school classes. We knew of each other yet we hadn’t really ever spoken. So in typical Bollywood fashion, I romanticized every glance or every moment that we passed each other in the hallways. Every small nugget of information I could gather of him, I put together and fashioned them into my perfect guy. The result being I created a perfect guy who didn’t exist and I never took the chance to get to know the real guy. Somehow it seems like I lost twice.
The romanticized idea of S stayed with me throughout my teenage years and as I went off to college. We had mutual friends so I heard about him from time to time. He went on to become an aerospace engineer (a world galaxies from my own) and seemed to be doing remarkably well. But my idea of him remained.
Maybe someday years from now, I’ll run into him and realize just how silly I had been romanticizing him. Or maybe at the moment I’ll take a chance and get to know him – the real him, the one I missed out on. Who knows what the stars hold …
(Clearly my little ‘crush’/’romanticized idea’ is still going strong 😛)