I believe there’s something extremely cathartic about sharing your deepest secrets with the ocean. Watching the words you were too scared to say bob and sway to the whims of the tide.
If you’re reading this, it’s been a while. A very long while since we last spoke. Months, maybe even years. And it’s my fault.
I left you behind as I went off to chase a new adventure. Things changed and it seemed as though we didn’t have a place in each other’s lives anymore. I was different. You were different. And the people we were didn’t seem to exist any more.
I know there were times when you tried to reach out, to touch base and check how I was doing. I’m sorry I didn’t do the same. I’m sorry I made it easy for you to give up when I didn’t respond beyond lame pleasantries. If you felt cut out or pushed aside during those moments, I apologize. I didn’t mean for you to fall through the cracks.
At least not intentionally.
Maybe somewhere, at the back of my mind, I thought it’d be easier to follow my dreams if I were alone. Easier to forge a new identity for myself. Maybe I believed that spending time investing in our friendship would hold me back from chasing my dreams. That that effort would be better spent somewhere else.
With time and distance, cutting ties got easier and easier. I forgot the times you helped prop me up or protect me. I forgot those moments where you made me feel welcome or part of the group, made me feel like I belonged. I looked past all the good things you did and chose to focus instead on the shallower moments – the everyday pleasantries, the Monday-morning-how-was-your-weekend-commentaries etc. Somehow I managed to convince myself that if it were a real friendship you would have fought harder to stick around.
But that was my insecurity talking.
I realize now that I never gave you a chance. A chance to stay in my life. To change with me. To grow with me. And I’d like to apologize for that.
Maybe given time, we could have been best friends. Or friends that would have been glad to see each other once a quarter. Or maybe even friends that grew apart but still remember each other fondly.
I’m not sure what we could have been but I’d like to thank you for what we were.
I’d like to thank you for being a part of my life, no matter how brief it was. For making me smile or laugh or just making my day a little brighter. The moments we shared and the memories we created helped shape who I am today and I am grateful for them.
For a brief moment in time, you were a part of one of my chapters and you made it stronger.
Thinking of You Fondly,
The Friend You Left Along The Way